Issue Date: 
Feb 16 2006 - 11:00pm
Author: 
Page3
Topics: 
city living

Congratulations! You have purchased one of the most advanced communications devices known to man that was designed, like this 1,600-page owner’s manual, to simplify your life. Before using your phone, be sure to read and fully understand every chapter in this manual. Always keep this manual with you for future reference, as it contains important information that could help you avoid bodily injury, property damage or extreme embarrassment.Having been intelligent enough to purchase this product, you know that this P2-7F uses J-LO800 technology to operate on the 722 MHz/BMX/FBI frequencies while providing BIBIX compatibility for GSS 666 and M&M systems and the upcoming IM-88 standard. Obviously. Plus you can download some really cool wallpapers to suit your personal style.Never expose this phone to high temperatures, such as near a heater, in a car parked in direct sunlight or in a jeans pocket while engaging in strenuous activity such as walking. Never allow children under the age of 17, the elderly above the age of 60 or anyone else 20-32, 37-54 or 56-58 to use this product without the written consent of the manufacturer.Never allow any liquids to spill on this phone, including rain, cocktails made with vermouth, semen or human sweat. Never paint this product. Never clean it. Never use it as a flotation device. Never use it to transport hazardous materials. If you notice an allergic reaction to this phone, immediately contact a doctor, in which case the warranty and any liability on the part of the manufacturer is null and void.Tests with laboratory rats have suggested that extended use of this product (five days or more) will result in impaired ability to remember phone numbers and recall appointments. Therefore, never lose this phone. Losing this product voids the warranty and any liability on the part of the manufacturer.Users of this phone also experience impaired ability to make commitments and to arrive on time to appointments. Tests with bunnies have revealed that long-term users lose the ability to wait patiently in line, for public transportation or in elevators without the need to fiddle with their phones lest they feel like complete losers with nothing better to do.Never try to use all of the functions on this phone. Never press one of the keys, both soft and navigation, without knowing exactly what it will do. Never try to dispose of this phone. Once you start using this phone, you can never return to life without one.